profile 上斐 ah fei 16/11/1990 scorpion your words affiliates Alvin Angila Audrey Chuan Fa Claire Clarice Danhong Euods Felicia Ivy John Joson Junda Ming Han Ninette Rui Xiang Seok Hoon Si Hui Veron Waeting Waikit Xiangjun Xiuwen Yan Yan 07s24 njco erhu wo men de yin yue archives February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 September 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 credits you can remove this if you don't have a conscience. i assure you i will not hunt you down. skin by: Jane |
Wednesday, December 26, 2007 @ 12/26/2007 08:11:00 PM
today i was thinking of a lot of things... like how i regretted living my life so tiredly for the entire year.. but before i wrote my post i saw a friend's blogpost.. and cried, worst den i cried for the ending of snow queen.. i wasn't a good friend.. i swear i didnt know how to be 1.. life had been smooth sailing for the whole sec life, i thot it would be the same for jc.. but i was wrong.. very very wrong.. j1 started off very badly.. maybe it didnt but i thot it was.. i didnt know any1 and i always thot i was alone.. i dun know how to mix with ppl and i found myself mixing with ppl but actually very afraid of them.. numerous times i was so scared tt i cried alone in my room.. cos i didnt know wat to do.. was so scared i didn have any friends.. didnt dare to tell any1.. sis wasnt always at home and i didnt want mum to be worried of me... so i thot i should look back for my sec frens.. heard before that the best frens and frens tt stay with u for life are those made in sec school.. but the good frens will make new frens.. and they will become some1 else good fren.. and i duno y, i feel tt these frens are strangers to me.. i still go for gatherings, but for the sake of going, for the sake of being present.. for the sake of not moving too far from them, though i feel i already was.. it started to be tiring looking for the common topics.. at some pt of time, i felt i need a psychologist to help me.. i wasnt thinking right.. i nv think of all these in sec school.. for the 1st 3 months.. she had a very very good fren.. they tok abt things and she no longer toks to me abt her things anymore.. there was once a gathering in lot1.. she was very unhappy with the others and was toking on the phone.. and she didnt tell me anything and left.. i thot i was supposed to be her best fren compared to others, so i shud at least give a call or send a msg.. but when i took out my phone, i blanked out... didnt know wat to say.. i thot she wudn tell me her things anymore, so i just said hope she feel better, even if she didnt wana tell me abt it.. o lvl results was out.. she was 1 of the top scorer, and her mum came over to me.. cudn rmb exactly wat she said, but i think was to want me to help her find a good path.. and tt was to go to nj i think.. suddenly i felt important.. ya as her best fren in sec school, i shud help her... cos like her mum, i thot going to nj was the path to a better jc education.. when the posting was out, i rushed to the board.. aft verifying that i got to nj i started looking for her name.. and i saw it.. went around asking ppl to confirm if the name is on it the persn is in nj.. when i confirmed, i quickly msg her, welcome to nj.. however, she didnt like nj... and i made my first mistake.. i strongly encouraged her to stay in nj.. when they ask me whether i regret being in nj, i said i didnt.. even though my heart shaked a little.. but i thot, if i said i did, she would wana leave the school even more.. so i stood by my stand... i said all kind of things to convince her to stay.. i didnt even know whether i was doing the right thing.. all along i just know i should stay to my stand.. if i changed, they will wana change even more.. and so she stayed... but very unhappy.. i didnt know wat to say.. and she made another very good fren.. that fren agreed with her, they feel the same thing, and they are happy.. so i thot its time to stop sticking to my stand.. everybody's not happy like that... so i began to agree with her.. yes, nj is like so bad... full of smart and hardworking ppl.. and they are so unlike me.. i m stupid and not hardworking.. i finally start to think of all these which i used to avoid thinking of.. i made the second mistake.. i encouraged her to join co.. cos i made some frens in there and life wasnt tt boring in there.. but i failed to see that she wasnt in there from the start.. its difficult for her to mix in.. and i didnt help her.. instead, i made her feel more out of place.. i felt really bad.. was afraidd i would lose this fren even more.. after everything, we finally come to the end of this eventful yr.. but i m glad everything has ended.. she joined gz with her good fren and we can still go out together.. with sth to tok abt.. at least the atmosphere is not awkward.. sorry and thanku sihui.. for everything this yr.. sorry for the many mistakes i made... i m not a good fren, but i tried hard.. though it feels like the more i tried, the more wrong it feels.. sorry for making u feel bad at some pt of times.. and thanku that we are still frens.. we will always be.. |